This Morning
It is 5 am and I am awake.
Unusual for me not to remain sleeping until the sun peeks out from behind the lids of night.
Sleep is precious to me.
It heals my body and removes MS from it’s memory.
For another day.
But this day, it’s more about memory than body.
Memories wake me in my dreams sometimes.
To some degree, every morning, I awaken with disbelief that I am where I am.
An after-effect of the rocky road that brought me here, I suppose.
More subtle with each passing day,
though this morning
is one of those mornings
when it is more startling than kind.
I roll over and touch the Someone who re-minds me of what life is about;
what love really is;
that I have arrived.
Alive.
I pinch him.
Softly.
He awakens.
“What did you do that for?” he mumbles, his voice coated in silky slumber.
“To make sure I’m awake,” I confess, nuzzling into his essence.
“To wake up to you and I wasn’t really awake, would truly break my heart.”
He holds me.
I hold him.
He knows without my telling that ‘those dreams’ woke me really.
Dreams that re-enact the past in prose and symbol.
The waking emotion is always the same.
Trapped.
Blinded.
Jello.
Sweat.
Fear.
Escapement.
He puzzles me,
and he doesn’t,
at the same time.
When I have a bad-memory-dream my Conscience knows.
I hear Her in my dream.
She tells me to reach out for him, my Love,
to pull me out of it,
to bring my soul back to my present,
through the portal of dreamscape,
back to my ‘Now’.
I only need to touch him and I’m home again.
I slip out of bed and ask him to sleep longer.
For him.
For me.
“You just pinched me,” he mumbles.
“Sh, go to sleep,” I whisper for forgiveness.
I kiss his cheek.
“Sorry I woke you. You were needed and I am grateful.
Now rest for me, my Love. I need you strong.”
One more kiss and he sleeps.
I wonder if he knows the power he must have,
to be so present in my dreams
that he can pull me out of them when I feel afraid?
I am so blessed.
THIS was the enlightenment awaiting me
on the peak
of the journey I needed to climb
to find it.
Connection.
Between Then and Now.
Between Light and Flight.
Between Dusk and Dawn.
Between You and Me.
Connection.
I quietly make my morning coffee
and as it drips like raindrops on rooftops
I click on the TV,
asking for the message that I must be in need of to awaken so.
I find a BBC program about travel.
“Oh yes, Celestial Source Mother, take me on a trip,” Aah!
I am soothed with each scene of Thailand on a quest to find true Bhuddism in a fast paced society.
Nice! Thank you for this message I am in need of this morning.
I prepare my coffee.
In a mug from my daughter that reads,
‘A little sugar goes a long way’.
Suitable.
A tiny sprinkling of coconut sugar and a splash of milk only.
I’m trying to eliminate sugar from my diet.
This is my allowance for the day.
Coffee.
Blanket.
Soft light of the TV,
the only light on in the house.
Dancing shadows within our oasis.
I’m cozy.
I listen to the host’s narration of his discoveries.
Mmmm.
The first sip is always the best.
Scenes shuffle from city to monastery.
I can almost smell the scent of burning candles and incense.
I real-eyes that I miss candles and incense;
the re-minding that they bring me.
I vow to bring them back into practice and thank ‘Celeste’ for that message.
I find my incense and light it.
The swirling sences tell me there is work to be done around me this morning.
I allow it to sweep over me.
Through me.
Trusting it.
I sit
and sip
and listen.
Breathe and listen.
The past was needed for my present.
I am grateful for my past.
Bad memories surface when I allow doubt and fear to open a gap for them to enter.
They are no longer bad.
They were needed.
They are simply
memories.
I imagine Doubt and Fear
nestled like tiny babies
in the palms of my hands.
I wrap them in white swaddling Light.
I kiss them each good-bye and good-night.
Thanking them for their beacon when I need them to shine,
to guide me.
I lay them to rest.
At the base of the incense.
I pray for the fragrant smoke to take them safely back to Celeste,
our Celestial Source Being.
I thank Her.
I sip and listen.
The host of the program helps me to re-member.
To re-connect.
His real-eyes-ation,
from a quest to search for enlightenment no matter where we are,
is to be
in your moment,
in your ‘Now’.
To simply be.
I turn the station to Channel 416.
Spa music.
I sip up the last few tastes of morning.
The sky is beginning to brighten.
The tightness in my skull is real-ease-ing.
The heaviness in my heart softens from the re-minding of my
Soul to Self,
Past to Present.
The reward of my faith,
through every step
that I made blindfolded
by the mystery of ‘Why’
but
stepping forward anyway.
I feel him before I hear him.
A door opens.
Footsteps shuffle down the hallway.
I rise to meet him.
He smiles.
I smile.
He gathers me in his holding.
I gather him in my knowing.
And we begin the morning
with a song
that we but only just belong
Right here.
Right now.
With Love and Light,
